Writer's Commentary - Late Again
Oct. 11th, 2006 09:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
browncoat2x2Writer's Commentary - Late, Again
by 2x2
Word Count: 741
Rated: R for sexual situations
Paring: Mal/Inara
Spoilers: None
A/N: Originally written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
ff_friday's challenge #99 – Running Late. My comments are in bold within the text
.
I am sooo intrigued by the idea of Inara and Mal trying to have a relationship of some sort while she is still working, and how difficult that would be, but would probably be the only option open to them, realistically. It's full of confusion and hurt and resentment and longing and regret and all of it wrapped up in the fact that they love each other, and that their situation is never going to be ideal…
He likes to mark her.
Setting the stage. *G* I wrote this all in present tense, because that style has such an immediacy to it, makes it easy to convey the ‘action’, everything is happening ‘now’ and with the idea being that we’re running late and rushed, I felt it was the way to go. Plus, it was the only way it would come out *G*
Little nips and sucks intended to lay his claim, let them know that she is his, even as she plies her trade. It drives her mad; she knows he does it intentionally, even yelled at him for it once, the first time, when he’d ambushed her barely half an hour before she was due to meet her client, messing her finely arranged hair and clothes, his mouth leaving a trail of red welts around her neck, impossible to conceal.
I tried to pack a lot of detail into this little paragraph. Now we know exactly what we mean by ‘mark her’, and we know the reasons he does it – he likes it, he lays a claim on her, lets her clients know she isn’t theirs. It also set up the history, showing us that he’s done it before – that first time – and implies that it’s happened since, more than once. I particularly like ‘messing her finely arranged hair and clothes’ because it not only seems to me the way Mal would describe it, but it gives us an image of impeccable dress and goes beyond merely nice looking clothes, to 'finely' arranged, implying the utmost care taken in her outward appearance in dress and accessories.
He can’t regret it, and she doesn’t really blame him. It’s one of her concessions in their on-going war over her job. He lets her go, but he always makes sure they’ll know she’s spoken for. And, judging by the way she moans when he brings his teeth into play, she doesn’t really mind. It amazes him, the way she can’t resist when his mouth plunders her skin, and he’ll use that to his advantage today, marking her, making her late, as he does every time.
He can’t regret it… because he simply can’t. More background in this paragraph, letting us know again that this is an ongoing thing, that he’s come to make her late more than once, and that she lets it happen – because really, she could put a stop to it if she wanted to – but she lets him have this small victory; her concession in their ‘war’. His is that he lets her go. Equal victories/surrenders.
Inara being unable to resist him is a thing for me *G* Not that I think Mal is the ‘verse’s most amazing lover or anything like that… But I like the idea that she can’t control her reaction to him, that he can drive her wild with a simple touch, simply because it’s *him*, and she loves him and lets herself feel and take and because it really is all so very different from her work as a Companion .
The thing I dislike about this story is this break. The first part was written just as a throwaway thought I had one day, while writing something else. Threw it on paper in a notebook and kept it, let the idea float around. Then the prompt for ‘running late’ came up, and the second part of this poured out of me in an amazingly short time, and was so connected to the first part, that I felt they could both go together… but I couldn’t put them together without writing a huge epic, at least, that’s how it seemed at the time. But each on their own didn’t seem to stand up. So, the break.
Also, it’s a change in POV, which is something I am bad for, and need to work on.
* * * * *
Applying the last touches to her make-up, Inara hears the shuttle door open and sighs; knows she is doomed.
I always feel there is this sense of the inevitable with Inara. In this case, her surrender to this… And here she is, just finishing up the last of her professional exterior, and Mal arrives… just like she knew he would.
“Mal,” she protests as he pulls her to him, mouth attacking her neck, teeth nipping and tongue laving. “Mal, please… I’ve got a client in twenty minutes…” she trails off into a moan. Damn him, she hates his ability to render her weak and helpless with need for him. He’s going to make her late, she knows it, but she can’t care. Can’t even pretend she hasn’t been waiting for him in fretful excitement.
He bends and slides his hands beneath her gown, pushing it up her thighs, his fingers trailing up the inside of her legs before slipping between her moist curls, already wet for him. He strokes her, mouth catching hers in a hungry kiss, pressing himself against her, hot and urgent.
And if we didn't believe that she really wanted Mal in the last paragraph, here's the evidence of her desire, undeniable. And the first use of 'himself' to represent his penis, which I use throughout this. I refuse to use slang in my sex scenes. I find somehow it makes it cheap, and juvenile, and less about story and all about jerk-off fic, and that's not what I'm writing.
“Damn you,” she breathes against him, tugging him down onto the bed with her, feeling his smug grin against her lips. She reaches for him, freeing him from his pants, heavy and pulsing with need in her hand. “Hurry, Mal,” she pleads, guiding him between her legs, a cry ripping from her lips as he drives himself into her, pressing his head into her shoulder, face against her neck as he shudders.
'him' this time. I flip-flopped on the use of 'pulsing', because it's on the border of the kind of sexual description I don't like ('pussy dripping with her love juices' is pretty much about the worst) but I felt it wasn't over the line, and was realistic enough, especially in the situation, so I let it go. And then there's the brusque entry, he's less than gentle, but it's going to be rough and hard because it's all about possessiveness and anger and hurt and desperate, desperate love. All that dark emotion is so much a part of who they are. The really fun and slightly twisted thing is, she gets off on it just as much as he does.
She closes her eyes, savoring the feel of him inside her, above her, and then she urges him on, her hands frantic on his back as he begins to thrust.
I wanted to show how frenzied and gritty these moments were, but how she still takes her pleasure from it, enjoys it.
It is fast and hard, as it always is before she leaves to meet her clients; hard enough that she will carry the feel of him for the rest of the day, late enough that she will carry the reminder of him, hot and sticky between her legs, even as she smiles at another man.
This one I also thought skimmed the border between what's hot and what's tawdry, the idea of his semen between her legs when she goes to have sex with someone else. Realistically, she'd clean before engaging in sex with her client, but I liked the idea that she'd be able to feel the after-sex presence of him still there. It's so possessive, like the hickies. It's another mark.
His rhythm is erratic, his hips jerky and desperate. He bites her when he comes, and she cries out, the feel of his teeth on her skin enough to trigger her own orgasm, quick and tight, white hot in its intensity.
I used 'comes' because it's more immediate than 'ejaculated' or 'reached release' or what have you. And he bites her when he comes, leaving his brand at that moment, so that not only is it his mark of 'ownership' for her clients to see, but it's tied directly to this moment, to his release triggering hers.
She comes back to him laving her collarbone with his tongue, soothing this newest brand of his. She breathes heavily, feels sweat at the small of her back, behind her knees, between her breasts. Mal lies on top of her, chest heaving, face cushioned on her breasts and she strokes his hair lovingly.
“I love you,” she whispers, as she always does in their little ritual. Sometimes his answer is a sad smile and a kiss; sometimes it is silence. Today it will be bitter, she can tell. She always can.
The 'ritual'… I just loved the idea that this has become frequent enough that there *is* ritual to it. And that she tells him she loves him, there's so much in that. Compassion, forgiveness, thankfulness, reassurance… I think its all in there.
“Then don’t go,” he says, and she closes her eyes, tired.
Again, driving home how many times they have gone through this, circled this same argument, because she's 'tired'.
He rolls off her when she doesn’t answer, puts himself away and stands angrily, like she’s the one who barged into his room. She watches him leave, knowing when she gets back she will have to sooth this hurt, as she always does, and earn her place in his bed again. And as much as it hurts and frustrates her, she knows she will keep doing it, because she really does love him.
And his anger, that's really been there all along, but is freed now… and no matter how many times this has happened and turned out in just the same way, you know that Mal has that hope somewhere inside him that *this* time she will choose to stay, choose him over her clients. Oh, the anger, hurt and frustration he must feel every time it doesn't happen.
And Inara, enduring his anger, going through it all time after time, because of the simple fact that she well and truly loves him. The situation is not ideal, but the alternative (the only alternative she sees) to be without him, is worse, unbearable, even though they both know that inevitably (there's that sense of the inevitable again) it's going to come to an end, that they won't be able to keep doing this. It's hurting them both too much.
Sighing, she rises and readjusts her gown, makes last minute fixes to her hair and make-up; smoothes her fingers over the red blemish he’s left on her skin with fondness, then puts away her love and passion.
Puts on her Companion façade… separates herself from the woman she just was with Mal… the emphasis that her work is *different*, this love, this passion, she shares only with Mal, and that's what she locks away tight inside… there's so much compassion and love in Inara, she is a giving creature… I'm sure that she gets her pleasure from the sex she has with clients, and the satisfaction of fulfilling their needs, physical and spiritual, but I feel that they're only side benefits, not something she actively seeks to take for herself, in her capacity as Companion. Whereas with Mal, as his lover, she can and does take for her own pleasure, as well as his, and I think tha's a huge part of what makes the two situations different… which is what I wanted to try to get at with her fixing herself back up and putting away her love and passion.
Composed, she leaves to meet her client, and apologize, again, for being late.
And so it ends, nothing resolved… I'm big on the unresolved endings *G*
I'm not really sure I was able to say what I really wanted to say in these commentary notes… I have the feeling that I'm way off on what I'm trying to say (happens a lot) or that my focus is on the wrong part of what I'm trying to show, but… I tried. It's been a good while now since I wrote this so… my memories of the time are, well, pretty non-existent to tell the truth, except that I think I was in that dark mood at the time...
by 2x2
Word Count: 741
Rated: R for sexual situations
Paring: Mal/Inara
Spoilers: None
A/N: Originally written for
ff_friday's challenge #99 – Running Late. My comments are in bold within the text.
I am sooo intrigued by the idea of Inara and Mal trying to have a relationship of some sort while she is still working, and how difficult that would be, but would probably be the only option open to them, realistically. It's full of confusion and hurt and resentment and longing and regret and all of it wrapped up in the fact that they love each other, and that their situation is never going to be ideal…
He likes to mark her.
Setting the stage. *G* I wrote this all in present tense, because that style has such an immediacy to it, makes it easy to convey the ‘action’, everything is happening ‘now’ and with the idea being that we’re running late and rushed, I felt it was the way to go. Plus, it was the only way it would come out *G*
Little nips and sucks intended to lay his claim, let them know that she is his, even as she plies her trade. It drives her mad; she knows he does it intentionally, even yelled at him for it once, the first time, when he’d ambushed her barely half an hour before she was due to meet her client, messing her finely arranged hair and clothes, his mouth leaving a trail of red welts around her neck, impossible to conceal.
I tried to pack a lot of detail into this little paragraph. Now we know exactly what we mean by ‘mark her’, and we know the reasons he does it – he likes it, he lays a claim on her, lets her clients know she isn’t theirs. It also set up the history, showing us that he’s done it before – that first time – and implies that it’s happened since, more than once. I particularly like ‘messing her finely arranged hair and clothes’ because it not only seems to me the way Mal would describe it, but it gives us an image of impeccable dress and goes beyond merely nice looking clothes, to 'finely' arranged, implying the utmost care taken in her outward appearance in dress and accessories.
He can’t regret it, and she doesn’t really blame him. It’s one of her concessions in their on-going war over her job. He lets her go, but he always makes sure they’ll know she’s spoken for. And, judging by the way she moans when he brings his teeth into play, she doesn’t really mind. It amazes him, the way she can’t resist when his mouth plunders her skin, and he’ll use that to his advantage today, marking her, making her late, as he does every time.
He can’t regret it… because he simply can’t. More background in this paragraph, letting us know again that this is an ongoing thing, that he’s come to make her late more than once, and that she lets it happen – because really, she could put a stop to it if she wanted to – but she lets him have this small victory; her concession in their ‘war’. His is that he lets her go. Equal victories/surrenders.
Inara being unable to resist him is a thing for me *G* Not that I think Mal is the ‘verse’s most amazing lover or anything like that… But I like the idea that she can’t control her reaction to him, that he can drive her wild with a simple touch, simply because it’s *him*, and she loves him and lets herself feel and take and because it really is all so very different from her work as a Companion .
The thing I dislike about this story is this break. The first part was written just as a throwaway thought I had one day, while writing something else. Threw it on paper in a notebook and kept it, let the idea float around. Then the prompt for ‘running late’ came up, and the second part of this poured out of me in an amazingly short time, and was so connected to the first part, that I felt they could both go together… but I couldn’t put them together without writing a huge epic, at least, that’s how it seemed at the time. But each on their own didn’t seem to stand up. So, the break.
Also, it’s a change in POV, which is something I am bad for, and need to work on.
* * * * *
Applying the last touches to her make-up, Inara hears the shuttle door open and sighs; knows she is doomed.
I always feel there is this sense of the inevitable with Inara. In this case, her surrender to this… And here she is, just finishing up the last of her professional exterior, and Mal arrives… just like she knew he would.
“Mal,” she protests as he pulls her to him, mouth attacking her neck, teeth nipping and tongue laving. “Mal, please… I’ve got a client in twenty minutes…” she trails off into a moan. Damn him, she hates his ability to render her weak and helpless with need for him. He’s going to make her late, she knows it, but she can’t care. Can’t even pretend she hasn’t been waiting for him in fretful excitement.
He bends and slides his hands beneath her gown, pushing it up her thighs, his fingers trailing up the inside of her legs before slipping between her moist curls, already wet for him. He strokes her, mouth catching hers in a hungry kiss, pressing himself against her, hot and urgent.
And if we didn't believe that she really wanted Mal in the last paragraph, here's the evidence of her desire, undeniable. And the first use of 'himself' to represent his penis, which I use throughout this. I refuse to use slang in my sex scenes. I find somehow it makes it cheap, and juvenile, and less about story and all about jerk-off fic, and that's not what I'm writing.
“Damn you,” she breathes against him, tugging him down onto the bed with her, feeling his smug grin against her lips. She reaches for him, freeing him from his pants, heavy and pulsing with need in her hand. “Hurry, Mal,” she pleads, guiding him between her legs, a cry ripping from her lips as he drives himself into her, pressing his head into her shoulder, face against her neck as he shudders.
'him' this time. I flip-flopped on the use of 'pulsing', because it's on the border of the kind of sexual description I don't like ('pussy dripping with her love juices' is pretty much about the worst) but I felt it wasn't over the line, and was realistic enough, especially in the situation, so I let it go. And then there's the brusque entry, he's less than gentle, but it's going to be rough and hard because it's all about possessiveness and anger and hurt and desperate, desperate love. All that dark emotion is so much a part of who they are. The really fun and slightly twisted thing is, she gets off on it just as much as he does.
She closes her eyes, savoring the feel of him inside her, above her, and then she urges him on, her hands frantic on his back as he begins to thrust.
I wanted to show how frenzied and gritty these moments were, but how she still takes her pleasure from it, enjoys it.
It is fast and hard, as it always is before she leaves to meet her clients; hard enough that she will carry the feel of him for the rest of the day, late enough that she will carry the reminder of him, hot and sticky between her legs, even as she smiles at another man.
This one I also thought skimmed the border between what's hot and what's tawdry, the idea of his semen between her legs when she goes to have sex with someone else. Realistically, she'd clean before engaging in sex with her client, but I liked the idea that she'd be able to feel the after-sex presence of him still there. It's so possessive, like the hickies. It's another mark.
His rhythm is erratic, his hips jerky and desperate. He bites her when he comes, and she cries out, the feel of his teeth on her skin enough to trigger her own orgasm, quick and tight, white hot in its intensity.
I used 'comes' because it's more immediate than 'ejaculated' or 'reached release' or what have you. And he bites her when he comes, leaving his brand at that moment, so that not only is it his mark of 'ownership' for her clients to see, but it's tied directly to this moment, to his release triggering hers.
She comes back to him laving her collarbone with his tongue, soothing this newest brand of his. She breathes heavily, feels sweat at the small of her back, behind her knees, between her breasts. Mal lies on top of her, chest heaving, face cushioned on her breasts and she strokes his hair lovingly.
“I love you,” she whispers, as she always does in their little ritual. Sometimes his answer is a sad smile and a kiss; sometimes it is silence. Today it will be bitter, she can tell. She always can.
The 'ritual'… I just loved the idea that this has become frequent enough that there *is* ritual to it. And that she tells him she loves him, there's so much in that. Compassion, forgiveness, thankfulness, reassurance… I think its all in there.
“Then don’t go,” he says, and she closes her eyes, tired.
Again, driving home how many times they have gone through this, circled this same argument, because she's 'tired'.
He rolls off her when she doesn’t answer, puts himself away and stands angrily, like she’s the one who barged into his room. She watches him leave, knowing when she gets back she will have to sooth this hurt, as she always does, and earn her place in his bed again. And as much as it hurts and frustrates her, she knows she will keep doing it, because she really does love him.
And his anger, that's really been there all along, but is freed now… and no matter how many times this has happened and turned out in just the same way, you know that Mal has that hope somewhere inside him that *this* time she will choose to stay, choose him over her clients. Oh, the anger, hurt and frustration he must feel every time it doesn't happen.
And Inara, enduring his anger, going through it all time after time, because of the simple fact that she well and truly loves him. The situation is not ideal, but the alternative (the only alternative she sees) to be without him, is worse, unbearable, even though they both know that inevitably (there's that sense of the inevitable again) it's going to come to an end, that they won't be able to keep doing this. It's hurting them both too much.
Sighing, she rises and readjusts her gown, makes last minute fixes to her hair and make-up; smoothes her fingers over the red blemish he’s left on her skin with fondness, then puts away her love and passion.
Puts on her Companion façade… separates herself from the woman she just was with Mal… the emphasis that her work is *different*, this love, this passion, she shares only with Mal, and that's what she locks away tight inside… there's so much compassion and love in Inara, she is a giving creature… I'm sure that she gets her pleasure from the sex she has with clients, and the satisfaction of fulfilling their needs, physical and spiritual, but I feel that they're only side benefits, not something she actively seeks to take for herself, in her capacity as Companion. Whereas with Mal, as his lover, she can and does take for her own pleasure, as well as his, and I think tha's a huge part of what makes the two situations different… which is what I wanted to try to get at with her fixing herself back up and putting away her love and passion.
Composed, she leaves to meet her client, and apologize, again, for being late.
And so it ends, nothing resolved… I'm big on the unresolved endings *G*
I'm not really sure I was able to say what I really wanted to say in these commentary notes… I have the feeling that I'm way off on what I'm trying to say (happens a lot) or that my focus is on the wrong part of what I'm trying to show, but… I tried. It's been a good while now since I wrote this so… my memories of the time are, well, pretty non-existent to tell the truth, except that I think I was in that dark mood at the time...
