Sacrifices

Dec. 16th, 2011 09:58 am
browncoat2x2: Painting of C-3PO on Tattooine (Default)
[personal profile] browncoat2x2
Title: Sacrifices
Author: [livejournal.com profile] browncoat_2x2
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Set post BDM.
Characters: Mal/Inara
Author's Note:Woah! I seem to have drabbled, or something. Written for the Firefly Friday Challeng #001 - Childhood, though I cheated a bit and it's really more Children. Something actually came to me though, so, I ain't complaining. Just seein' if I can still actually write something here :)




The truth was she had no real love of children.

She’d never been one to coo over babies; had no interest in holding them, and certainly no desire to have one of her own. She’d been adamant that she would never have children as far back as she could remember.

One of the advantages of having committed to the Guild so young was that there had been no expectation for her to get married or provide grandchildren. Some of her sisters had mourned that ‘loss’, she knew, but it hadn’t felt that way to her. As far as she was concerned, babies were an unwanted side effect of poorly planned intercourse and something she had no intention of ever experiencing.

And things had gone perfectly according to plan in that regard.

Until now.

Now, with Zoe’s little bundle of joy soon to join the crew, everything these days seemed to be about babies. What would they name the baby? What was the sex of the baby? Who would babysit the baby? Couldn’t she just not wait until she got to hold the baby?

And as Zoe’s pregnancy progressed and the topic of babies remained the main focus of the crew, the smiles and comments had inevitably started.

“When are you an’ the Captain gonna make one of your own?”

The first time Kaylee had asked her she’d been unprepared for the question, even though she’d known it would come eventually. Discomfited, she’d stammered something, and been relieved when Mal had assured them all that that was a long time off yet. But she hadn’t failed to notice the sparkle in his eye when he’d said it.

It gnawed at her, and she worried over it for days, before finally blurting out the truth to him one night.

“I don’t want children.”

He blinked at her, caught completely off guard by (to him) her sudden, out-of-the-blue announcement. But Mal wasn’t stupid, and she could see him making the mental connections, his eyes cutting away briefly before coming back to her. “Ain’t like this life is any sort for a young’un,” he said.

“It’s not stopping Zoe,” she said. Then, a statement: “You want one.”

Mal was at a loss for words. “I… Maybe? Someday? I figured we’d talk about it when or if the time came. I don’t know.” He sighed. “Look, I know everyone’s been askin’ on how long before we’re havin’ one. But it ain’t something we’ve got to decide on now--”

“It’s not something to decide on at all, Mal. I’m not going to change my mind!”

“All right,” he said, holding up his hands in a calming gesture. He shook his head. “Why you tryin’ to make a fight a’ this?”

“I’m not. I’m just letting you know, now, how I feel. And if… if children are something you want, then, maybe we’d be better off—”

“Woah! Okay, hold on, right there,” he said, moving to her. He smoothed his hands over her upper arms, bending to look her in the eyes. “There’s a million ‘n one things could happen between now and whenever we might think on havin’ a baby.” He held up a hand, forestalling her comment. “All I’m sayin’ is, this ain’t nothin’ we got to think on now. If the day comes we do got to think on it, well… I ain’t givin’ up ‘today’ for a ‘maybe tomorrow’,” he said, giving her a gentle squeeze. “Comes down to it, I’m a selfish fella, Inara. ‘fraid I’m gonna pick you every time.”

Inara shook her head. “You shouldn’t have to sacrifice having children to be with me—”

“An’ you ain’t sacrificed nothin’ to be with me?” he said, pointedly.

Of course she had. They both had made sacrifices... And they both would continue to do so.

“I’m right where I want to be,” Mal said softly, pulling her closer.

Inara sighed and leaned into him gratefully. “So am I.”

Date: 2011-12-16 03:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charlie-bz.livejournal.com
I really like the state of M/I's relationship here. There's trust and comfort that, even though I likes the angst, I know is in the future for them.

Also, this feels very real. I like that just because they are in love, Inara doesn't lose herself. Doesn't turn into a baby hungry woman when she was never that way. And I'm saying this as fan who wants them to have lots of fat babies!!

Date: 2011-12-16 03:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wytchcroft.livejournal.com
THIS.

also; w'heeeeeeee! :))

Date: 2011-12-16 04:27 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-12-16 08:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackwabbit.livejournal.com
This is lovely, and being a woman who doesn't want children with a man who kinda sorta maybe does...it stings a bit, but in that good way. Thanks.

Date: 2011-12-19 10:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackwabbit.livejournal.com
Good for you!

I've been married for just over twelve years, and we talked about it, too (though admittedly probably not as much as we should have) but we did what people do sometimes. We changed. We both went from "maybe someday" to "not so much" verus "probably ready now." It's still an ongoing concern. We shall see.

Date: 2011-12-20 05:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackwabbit.livejournal.com
Oh, hells yes. On all of that. And it's not me who wavers - never much at all - but hubby. He had a case of the baby rabies about a year ago, but thankfully, it's passed. If it comes back, well...we shall see.

Date: 2011-12-17 01:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gilliebeans.livejournal.com
You DO seem to have drabbled something - something lovely! I like how smart it is, how it acknowledges that feelings around motherhood are complicated and how one pregnancy can resonate through a group of friends and affect everyone differently.

An interesting little "tell," too, that as rational and comfortable Inara pretends to be with her decision, she's still ready to punish herself by withdrawing from her love relationship. Awww, honey...

I particularly like the moment when Inara watches Mal making the mental connections. That's very faithful to his character, as is the sadd-ish conclusion he came to, that her decision was at least partially dependent on the life of crime and wandering he'd signed them up for. And later, "pointed" Mal. Yay! Very Jossian.

Well, done, you!

Date: 2011-12-20 05:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackwabbit.livejournal.com
It's not "punishment."

If my husband decides he absolutely, positively, 100% wants children, I'll have to divorce him. That will suck, and it will hurt me, but it's not punishing myself. It's allowing him to live the life he wants, because I don't want that and it's not fair to ask him to give that up if it matters so much to him. It's about him, not me. If anything, he'll be the one doing the punishing, as he will choose to love someone he's never met more than me. He will break us for someone who doesn't even exist. Punishing myself by withdrawing from my love relationship? No. Just no. And Inara isn't doing that here, either. She IS rational and comfortable about her decision in this telling. There is no delusion or pretending there. However, she is also rational enough to understand that if Mal really wants kids, their relationship simply will not work, and thus must end, pain or not.

Just my thoughts.

PS: that said, I really like this fic, as I said above, and my life is this life right now, so...one day at a time, my dears. One day at a time.
Edited Date: 2011-12-20 05:47 am (UTC)

Date: 2011-12-19 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elizalavelle.livejournal.com
Ooooh good conversation. Tough one for anyone to have and I liked that you didn't simplify it at all. Beautiful writing.

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